Hey, it’s been a little while since my last post and BOY do I have a lot to say lol. First let me start by saying I’ve been constantly in a season of growth over the past few years. It has turned up immensely the last 3.

I’ve learned a lot, lost a lot ,and gained a lot. Even still In the midst of it, I’m grateful for it all.

Last September I took a hit with a break up. Heart break is no easy deal. Learning as I’m going about life and relationships, due to the fact that I was never shown a healthy relationship other than a movie or tv. The most important love you need in a relationship is love for yourself. At least that’s what I found in my instance. Soon I’ll share my story, not for sympathy or recognition, not even to hurt or bash the one involved. But to help someone who may be in a similar situation. For now just love yourself first, and no your worth. It’s so cliche but so true. Yet we’re never taught how to do these things.

Then in November my aunt who was like a mother to me, passed away suddenly. It hit me so hard and my family to this day (unless ur reading this) doesn’t know how hard I took her death. I ultimately made sure I was there for my mom and my son while I dealt with my grief alone. The asking why, the upset with “God” or whoever runs this place, the guilt of not doing more to help, all of it eats at me. I’ve made it my own mission to figure out time and how this realm really works because of it. More on that later!

I cut off my friends and family.

For everyone there was a reason. Most because of the lack of being there for me when my aunt died. I still stand on it. But then there was a hermit point I returned to which is where I am now. So I don’t say much to anyone. Nothing personal I’m just working on me. I hope y’all understand.

Really Ive just been trying to find my own balance again. Get back on track after hitting rock bottom! That’s why I made The Choosing Myself E-Journal. I’m rebuilding myself. While taking the lessons and knowledge I’ve obtained, and turning it into wisdom by applying it to my life. So I can be a better being, a better parent, a better lover, and a better friend.

So I want to press the importance of choosing yourself! Building a relationship with yourself and nurturing your self love, before you try to involve yourself with someone else. Really get to know you in and out. That way, you won’t have to learn the hard way like so many of us do. You know what not to accept inside your partnership, what you are and aren’t capable of when it comes with dealing with another person. Teach this to your kids!

I said all of this to say; my life is pretty chaotic rn but “Chaos does not mean total disorder. Chaos means a multiplicity of possibilities.” This is a quote from Jok Church I just learned. It makes perfect sense! Chaos is just Chance, it’s a world of possibilities and this season of chaos is just the universes way of showing me all things are possible, not just what I may see due to my narrow perspective. So I choose to look at It positively, this is the universes way how saying sit back and let me work. So I will!